The Marriage Promise (Billionaire Games Book 4) Read online

  Deidra guided Emily onto the bus in front of her. John and Amy had taken window seats across the aisle from each other, while Emily claimed the aisle seat beside Amy. Deidra, however, stopped a few rows in front of them, looked down at an empty aisle seat and asked the woman by the window, “Is this seat taken?”

  The woman waved at the seat. “Be my guest.”

  Deidra sat down, and fought the urge to glance over her shoulder to see John’s reaction.

  After the bus rolled to a stop at the Aloha Landing Bus Depot at the Sheraton, once Deidra had stepped off, she waited for Amy and Emily. She couldn’t care less about John, but she wouldn’t walk away from them without a word.

  “Deidra...” John tried to spark up a conversation with her, but instead, she turned to the girls.

  “Amy. Emily.” She smiled to hide the hurt John had caused her. “Thank you so much for inviting me to tag along tonight. I had a wonderful time.” She hugged each of them, hanging on tightly as unfamiliar feelings of wanting to be someone’s mother washed over her. Unshed tears stung her eyes. “Well, I’d better be going.” She forced a rigid smile in hopes of warding off the tears, at least until she’d turned her back on John. “Thank you again,” she said to the girls, avoiding John’s gaze. She could feel it boring into her. “You’ve made my trip so lovely.”

  Deidra turned away from them and took off toward Kalia Road in the direction of the Beach Walk and Saratoga. Just keep going, she coached herself. She was basically home free now that she’d walked away. John Sinclair might be the most divinely scrumptious man she’d ever met—at least until he’d shown his butt this evening—but she wasn’t about to let him walk all over her. Lecie, Camille, and Tasha had taught her better than that.

  “Dad,” Amy whispered softly as John stood there with his daughters, watching Deidra walk away. “Go after her.”

  John looked at Amy. Was that really a good idea? Good idea or not, he found himself going after her. “Deidra...” he called out.

  She stopped, but a few seconds passed before she look over her shoulder. When she did, she sized him up and down as he closed the gap between them.

  “Deidra, I’m sorry if I offended you in any way.” He hoped that would garner a smile from her, but it didn’t. She didn’t say anything, just stood there glaring at him. Her once sparkling blue eyes had turned cold and unfeeling. “Can we meet for breakfast tomorrow?” he asked, shocked at how fearful he was of being rejected.

  It took a moment before she cleared her throat, then said, “I’m sorry.” She shook her head. “I have a ton of things to do tomorrow in preparation for my parents’ service on Sunday.” The tone of her voice stung as badly as her words. “If you’ll excuse me.” She didn’t give him a chance to say anything else, at least not to her face. She simply turned and walked away.

  “I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he called after her. “I’m sorry.”

  An hour later, with the girls tucked in their bed and watching TV, John retreated to the balcony overlooking Ft. DeRussy Park and the ocean beyond.

  He leaned against the railing, letting his gaze meander over the scenery. Why had he snapped at Deidra about Amy’s hair? She was right, after all. In the grand scheme of things, Amy’s hair color (or colors) was of little consequence.

  But Deidra wasn’t Amy’s mother, and John still believed she had no say in the matter. To give her one would be disrespectful to Jessica’s memory. John would never, could never do that. Even so, he regretted snapping at Deidra about it.

  Saturday morning, Deidra got up early and trekked over to Denny’s at the corner of Kalia Road and Lewers Street. She’d thought about having breakfast at the Shore Bird, but ultimately decided against it. She was afraid she’d run into John and the girls, and it was best if that didn’t happen.

  The idea that she could step into this ready-made family had been a fantasy at best. And fantasies were best kept inside your head, back in the darkest recesses of your mind.

  She dined on a cheese omelet and home fries, eating in solitude. She made a note on her phone to cancel tonight’s luau that she’d scheduled earlier in the week. She was glad she hadn’t invited John and the girls to go with her—which she had fully intended to do last night, but hadn’t gotten around to it before she and John had words.

  Deidra had to admit that John and his children had been a welcome distraction this week, and she had had fun in spite of herself. And that should make her parents happy, since they’d asked her to partake in a little fun before spreading their ashes. Deidra figured she had fulfilled their request because she had enjoyed her time in Hawaii—right up until last night.

  Things were back to normal now, though. Or at least they would be, because Deidra was once again alone. Just as she always would be from here on out.

  Let’s face it, she told herself, some people were meant to be alone. She was one of them.

  After breakfast, she headed back to the hotel, wondering what she could do, where she could go, to ensure that she wouldn’t run into John and the girls today. She was on an island though, which narrowed the odds considerably.

  Inside the Embassy Suites, Deidra stepped into the elevator behind an elderly couple. They got off on the fourth floor. Her phone chimed as the doors slid closed. She looked at the display. John. She rejected the call.

  When the lift opened on the eighth floor, Deidra exited and headed down the hallway toward her room. She barely had time to get the door open before her phone jingled again. Stepping inside the room, she huffed and glanced at the display. Amy.

  Her first inclination was to reject the call. It was probably John anyway. It’d serve him right for using his daughter to get to her.

  She laid her phone down on the table. It was still ringing.

  What if it was Amy? Guilt rained down on Deidra. She snatched up the phone and accepted the call. “Hello.”

  “Miss Deidra?” Amy’s voice poured out.

  “Amy?” Deidra said into the phone, as if she wasn’t sure who was on the other end of the call. She was though. She was simply buying time to find a graceful way out, and one that wouldn’t hurt Amy’s feelings.

  “Yes, it’s me,” Amy said. “I just wanted to tell you how much I’ve enjoyed meeting you. And Em too. We’ll never forget you.”

  Oh, John Sinclair, Deidra thought, you play dirty. Very dirty.

  “I’ll never forget you either, Amy,” Deidra said into the phone. “You and your sister have made me realize what’s missing in my life. I’ll always be grateful for that.” Deidra sucked in a breath to impede her blind, unreasoning desire to cry. “Unfortunately, I’ve got to get going. I’m late for an appointment.” She felt a measure of guilt over lying to Amy, but it was for the best. This conversation did not need to continue until Deidra was practically sobbing on the phone.

  “Do you want to talk to my dad before you go?” Amy asked hopefully.

  “No, no,” Deidra said softly. “I think your dad and I have said all there is to say.”

  “Will you still come see us?” Amy asked.

  “Amy, you and I are always going to be friends. You have my number. Please call or text me any time you want.” The pain of what those words actually meant caught in Deidra’s throat. She tried to clear it out, without much luck, before adding, “I’ll always be anxious to hear from you. Same goes for Emily.”

  Deidra ended the call just as the tears spilled over from her eyes. Why oh why had she let herself get so wrapped up in John Sinclair? Now her heart was broken and, as far as she could see, there was no way to mend it.

  CHAPTER 9

  AT 9:30 SUNDAY MORNING, a private car transported Deidra from Waikiki to Maunalua Bay for the private ash-scattering ceremony.

  Her parents’ ashes had been encased together in a single Pu’ olu urn, and it was sitting on one of the benches in the canoe that an attendant helped Deidra climb into.

  The Pu’ olu, a Hawaiian ti leaf enclosure, would ensure there was no ash blowback from the
wind, and it would protect the sea critters once the container was deposited into the ocean. A haku of white and yellow flowers bound the urn at the top. All in all, Deidra thought the container was more elegant than an ordinary cardboard box.

  One of the attendants placed a basket of purple and yellow orchids at her feet in the canoe.

  Three Polynesians accompanied Deidra on the trip. All three wore sarongs. Two of them were rowers and the third, who was tattooed from head to foot, she guessed to be the minister.

  As they paddled out, he introduced himself as a chief and began explaining how the ceremony would proceed. Deidra didn’t pay much attention to him, though. She was busy staring at the Pu’ olu urn, painfully aware that her parents’ ashes were inside, and once the container was dropped into the ocean, they would be forever out of her reach.

  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea, she thought. What had made Deidra think she was equipped to do this alone?

  Any second now, the dam of sorrow that’d built up inside her was going to burst. When it did, she wasn’t sure she’d recover.

  At 12:30 Sunday morning, a car took John, Amy, and Emily to Mamala Bay where a boat was waiting to take them a half a mile or so off shore.

  After the Pu’ olu containing Jessica’s ashes was lowered into the water, a short prayer was recited in a language that John, if he was being honest, didn’t understand a word of. But there was a spiritual sentiment in the prayer-giver’s tone, one that made John feel like the guy was praying for Jessica’s soul.

  John tossed the first handful of petals into the water, then Amy and Emily followed his lead.

  He continued tossing petals into the water, and it felt like, with each handful that Jessica was drifting farther and farther away from him. He didn’t want to let go of her. He’d fought so hard against it that he’d held onto her ashes for three years. But it hadn’t done any good. She was gone. She’d been gone.

  John reached for another handful of petals, but the basket was empty.

  CHAPTER 10

  BACK IN HIS SUITE at Trump Tower, John stared at Jessica’s letter sitting on the nightstand in his bedroom. He’d spread her ashes earlier in the day, but the letter was still there, waiting.

  He turned away from it to glance out the window. The streetlamps outside had flickered on about half an hour ago, and they cast a golden hue over the waves rolling lazily against the shore below. He thought of Jessica. She was out there now, in those waves. And she was gone. Forever out of reach. John had to find a way to move on.

  He’d thought Deidra might be his salvation. Being with her had chased away the sadness that had consumed his heart and filled it with joy. A part of him felt guilty about that. About getting close to another woman. About letting go of Jessica.

  The envelope encasing Jessica’s letter goaded him. He looked back at it begrudgingly. Opening the letter would be like confessing to Jessica about Deidra. How could he ever admit to her that he’d developed feelings for another woman?

  Before Hawaii, he hadn’t wanted to open the letter because he was afraid that Jessica would implore him to remarry. That was the last thing he’d thought would ever happen, because he’d already given his whole heart to her and there could never be anyone else. But now, now he had a different reason for not wanting to open the letter. What if Jessica’s final words to him added to the guilt that’d been festering inside him for the better part of a week now?

  But this thing with Deidra was over. John had blown it with her. So really there was nothing to feel guilty about. He looked at the letter again for several seconds before he picked it up and broke the seal.

  The letter was dated two months before Jessica’s death.

  My Darling John,

  As I write this letter, I realize that I’ve accepted the fact that I am not going to win this battle, but you haven’t. I’ll be surprised if you’re reading this one year after my death, as I requested, but I won’t hold it against you if it takes a little longer.

  The thought of leaving you and the girls breaks my heart in to pieces. This cancer thing is most certainly going to kill me, but it will never kill my love for you and our children.

  I don’t want you or the girls to spend the rest of your lives mourning my death. I want you to carry on and live life to its fullest potential. John, my darling, please don’t be afraid to fall in love again. You deserve to love and be loved. Our children deserve a mother figure in their lives. I want my children to have a mother after I’m gone. It may take a little time, but if you’re willing, I know you can find someone who’ll fill your (and our children’s) hearts with joy. Someone who will love you as much as I do. Someone who will love my children as if they were her very own.

  Yesterday, I asked you to make a blind promise to me. Today, I’m going to tell you what you’ve promised. You’ve never broken a promise to me, and I don’t expect you will start now.

  You must promise me that you will let your heart love again, and once you find her, you’ll marry her. You must promise me that. When you find her, promise me that you will marry her.

  That is my fondest wish as I prepare to leave this Earth...that you will honor my memory by living. My love, you deserve nothing less.

  Love Always,

  Jessica

  John refolded the letter and blew out a sigh, releasing the breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. His mind reeled as the reality settled in that Jessica was gone and she wasn’t coming back.

  Jessica had given him permission to move on, to live (even though she hadn’t), and that stabbed at his already-shattered heart. In a way, he had kind of moved on this week, and he was just beginning to realize that.

  But Deidra was no longer an option. John had blown it with her. He never should’ve snapped at her. Now he realized, albeit too late, that Deidra had been doing exactly what Jessica had wanted...and Deidra could’ve been a wonderful mother to Amy and Emily. Now John had lost the only two women who’d ever meant anything to him.

  A soft rapping at the bedroom door dragged John out of his despair. Most likely, it was Emily. Amy’s knock was more forceful. “Yes,” he said.

  The door crept open and Emily peeked in. “Can I come in?” she asked, almost helplessly.

  He pushed himself up against the headboard and crossed his legs, one over the other, on the bed. “Sure, honey.” He patted the empty space beside him. “What’s up?” he asked as she climb up to sit beside him. “Nothing on TV? Or is Amy hogging the remote?” Realizing that was the most likely scenario, he chuckled a little.

  “No.” Emily sniffed and rubbed her nose. The child was clearly hurting inside, even a guy as clueless as John was at times could see that.

  Jessica was right. The girls needed a mother. John had tried to be both father and mother, but let’s face it, he wasn’t exactly equipped for it. But he knew enough to know that he had to get Emily to share her troubles with him.

  What would Jessica do? he questioned himself. She’d just come right out and ask her. Well, it was worth a shot. “Why are you so sad?” Even as he asked the question, he realized it had been a hard day for Emily. For all of them. “Are you missing Mommy today?”

  Emily nodded. “I miss Miss Deidra too,” she admitted.

  “I know, honey.” John draped an arm around Emily and hugged her. “You’ve grown quite fond of Ms. Ferguson, haven’t you?” Knowing that made John feel a bit guilty, since he’d been the one to chase her off.

  Emily nodded. “Did you and Miss Deidra have a fight?”

  “Not exactly a fight. Just a disagreement.”

  “Could you go find her and tell her you’re sorry?”

  “I tried. She doesn’t want to hear it.”

  Alarm flashed across Emily’s eyes. “She doesn’t like us anymore?”

  “No, she likes you very much,” John assured Emily. “It’s me that she’s unhappy with. Just me.”

  “I wanted her to come see us after we go home.”

  “Me too.”


  “Can’t you go find her, Daddy?” Emily was near tears now. “Tell her how much we miss her?” She sucked in a breath and it seemed to break the dam on the waterworks. Tears spilled over from her coffee-brown eyes. “If you’ll just tell her how much I miss her, maybe she’ll come back.”

  John hugged Emily tighter. “I’m sorry, baby. It has nothing to do with you. Ms. Ferguson is angry at me. Not you. She loves you very much.”

  Emily’s pain. His own pain. Amy’s rebellion. Jessica’s death. Deidra’s rejection. The regret of it all swallowed him up. He didn’t know how much more his heart could take.

  Deidra had just settled comfortably on the bed and grabbed the remote to do a little channel surfing when her cell phone chimed. She picked it up off the nightstand.

  She hadn’t heard from John; that is, he hadn’t tried to call her since yesterday. Not a peep from him today. Part of her was glad about that, yet another part of her was sad. She longed to see him. To feel his touch. His kiss. She also missed the girls. They were such a delight. A couple of days ago, she’d thought their lives might all become intertwined, but that was not meant to be. And that filled her heart with an ache that would never go away. That’s why she’d been avoiding talking to John. The disappointment was too raw.

  Deidra inspected the phone’s display. Lecie. Okay. Good. She accepted the call, and tried to sound cheery when she said, “Hello.”

  “Deidra!” Lecie’s over-animated voice poured through the phone. “Why haven’t you called? I’ve been dying to know what’s going on.”

  “I was going to call in a bit.”

  “Are you coming home tomorrow?” she asked. “Or perhaps extending your stay?” She giggled impishly.

  “No, I’m coming home tomorrow.”

  “Everything okay?” Worry had invaded Lecie’s tone.

  “Everything’s fine.” Deidra tried to sound like that was true. She wasn’t sure if she’d hit the mark.

  “And John? Any plans to visit him?” There was too much joy in Lecie’s voice. “When do I get to meet him?”